The Human Mirror

In September 2013, I was feeling completely defeated and disillusioned after facing the reality that I was not living in the “free society” that I had always believed in.  My sister and my young niece were being taunted, tormented and terrorized by the person who vowed to cherish and protect them.  Although I was accustomed to working with families in crisis and had a working knowledge of the Family Court process from both professional and personal experience, I had never witnessed the intensity of a serious stalker.  This person was indefatigable in his desire to get back his “property.”  Nobody who had contact with his wife or child was immune to his slanderous rage.  The years had not soothed his psychosis; in fact, he was becoming more determined to enact his revenge.  It became clear that his loss of control was turning him into a ticking time-bomb, and he felt he had nothing to live for.  My family worried that he would take his former family with him.

New York has anti-stalking laws, but they are obscure and rarely enforced, especially in rural areas with short-staffed police departments.  Small town prosecutors don’t want to touch these cases.  That was unacceptable to me, and though I could do little to protect my own family, I could tell others about the injustices faced by stalking victims.  I began blogging about the issues they face.  Having spent these past few years drawing attention to these inadequacies, I realized that they occur in every state, not just ours.  Through my data collection and research, I found that these problems have much deeper roots.  Not only do we have a systemic failure of protecting victims’ rights, but there is also a moral failure to acknowledge them at all.  We live in our fragile “bubbles,” where no harm can befall us until it actually DOES.

Our blissful ignorance leads to the social acceptance of terrible crimes.  Why?  Because we cannot handle the thought that evil does exist and nobody is immune to it.  People who are “nice guys” can become predators if they continue to feed dysfunctional thoughts and allow their primitive brain to take over.  In this case, my former brother-in-law took his own life and nobody else’s, thankfully.  But recent trends show us that increasingly, seriously disturbed individuals are taking other lives too.  After the fact, the stories are similar: a few warning signs, the family hadn’t worried about them, and the horrible sense of guilt that it all could have been prevented.  I think we are at a crossroads as a human race where what we do next will determine the future of our children and the type of society that they will live in.  We have an opportunity to move from denial and fear to acknowledgment and freedom.

It is for the children’s sake that I feel compelled to further explore these issues.  Therefore, I have decided to increase the focus of this community and changing our name to one that fully reflects this.  We will be called “The Human Mirror,” and I hope you will stick with us and support the new venture.  I have no plans to delete the Human Rights Vs. Stalkers site so those who need it will be able to find it.  We will still discuss victimization along with other current social issues.  The primary mission of saving lives will continue to guide us as we move forward, along with the vision to build an awareness of how our lives can become agents of social change in exciting new ways. Thank you for your support.

https://thehumanmirror.wordpress.com/

Domestic Violence and Human Rights: Jessica Lenahan v. the United States of America

Domestic Violence and Human Rights: Jessica Lenahan v. the United States of America

Did you know that police are not required to enforce an “official” order of protection? And when they do attempt to do so, the charges against the accused are usually dropped. Victims know this. Perpetrators know it too. As a matter of fact, the USA is in violation of international human rights law on this issue. Just ask Jessica Lenahan, because she took it to the highest court in the entire world. To this day, reparations have not been made to her or any other victims in spite of the international court’s judgement.

What can we do about that?

Victims Rights: Better Late Than Never

I have worked very hard at drawing attention to the systemic failures of  response to sexual assault and domestic violence by law enforcement.  These past five years have shown me how racism and homophobia fit into the predictable pattern of ignoring an oppressed group by blaming and shaming them. I began my advocacy as an angry activist who shouted “Why don’t you just do your damn jobs?” However, I soon learned that the road to change was facing five distinct problems:

1. The huge level of both ignorance and bias out there in the general population.
2. The lack of incentive (from above) to do things differently.
3. The inadequate training and resource allocations within departments.
4. The unprofessional behavior justified by “protecting the brotherhood.”
5. The district attorneys’ prime focus: it all comes down to profits and costs.

One of the most frustrating refrains I heard from short-term advocates was, “nobody cares, not even the victims or survivors.” My response: Well I’m not going to give up on them because I believe change IS possible! I believe that change is now imminent with the following announcement by the US Department of Justice on December 15th.

Justice Department Issues Guidance on Identifying and Preventing Gender Bias in Law Enforcement Response to Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence

A press conference was also held that same day, and I have included the transcript for those who missed it.

Unofficial Transcript Identifying and Preventing Gender Bias in Law Enforcement Response to Sexual Assault and Domestic Violence

It is ironic that change comes during one of the most volatile periods in USA history in light of the attention spent on police brutality and the reprise of racist crimes. I hope our people will soon open their eyes to the antecedents of these issues. It has nothing to do with having a victim mentality or feeling entitled to special treatment. It is about justice, freedom and peace for all of us.

Crazy-makers Are Popping Up Everywhere

We call them “crazy-makers,” because they enjoy re-creating us in their image of insanity. You’ve probably met at least one during your lifetime: the guy who calls his girlfriend “paranoid” as he is having several flings behind her back, or perhaps the girl who tells fakes pregnancy with every boy she dates. These people are unstable narcissistic sociopaths who love the favorable spotlight. But watch out if you make them look bad in front of their many admirers! Popularity is of utmost importance in their eyes, usually at the expense of anybody who crosses them. You may wish to further investigate a fascinating phenomenon of their characteristics called the “dark triad.”

Why then, are they so adored by others? There are a few reasons people cling to them in spite of the terrible things crazy-makers do. Entertainment value is the number one motivator – people love watching a good show between a sociopath and his targets. They admire his cunning creativity and manipulative skills in transforming a target into a buffoon. Yes, some folks are always going to root for the villain, perhaps even taking a few tips and pointers for their own evil deeds. Of course, you will always have the gullible folks who actually believe everything the narcissist says without question. Then there are the greedy folks who believe they can help themselves to a piece of crazy-making pie by playing along, whether it be money, drugs, sex, or whatever suits their fancy.

Sociopathy is said to be the result of an underlying personality disorder, usually formed during childhood as the result of some series of physical or emotional traumatic events. My personal theory is that they are socialized using a manner of backward rewards and punishments for negative and positive behaviors. Furthermore, I believe they have a necessary purpose in the evolution (or devolution) of mankind: they polarize civilization, lest we all become too complacent and disaffected by the forces of evil. To clarify, a balanced society must have good people to counteract against bad people, but we can only become good through the rejection of evil, requiring that evil must exist if we are to also exist. Perhaps living beings require positive AND negative forces?

It seems like these forces are currently out of balance when we look at the disturbing events as of late. My personal and professional experiences have been sprinkled with more than a few crazy-makers. Someday I’ll write more about them, but today I’d like to remind you how a majority of good people have been drowning out their evil little voices with conversations which include words like “hope,” “faith,” and “love.” I believe it was the older, humbled King Solomon of the Bible who stated in Ecclesiastes 1:9: “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” We have survived many evils, including civil unrest, disease, and war, because we refuse hatred and we choose love. As warriors of light, we will continue proclaiming words of truth and justice for all people.

Be strong in faith.

Be brave in hope.

Be true in love.

Solomon’s Law

This is one of the greatest human rights violations in the history of the US. Yes, it happens frequently. No, the mother’s are not lying about the abuse. Period.

http://www.phillyvoice.com/live-abuser-american-family-courts-fail-children/

It’s not Auschwitz. But Does It Have to be to Warrant a Hurt?

A “must read” for anyone who is experiencing an abusive relationship:

“Crazytown is a place where your parent or romantic partner balances hell and utopia, you are one step away from hell and promised that if you take one step further you will find heaven.”

via It’s not Auschwitz. But Does It Have to be to Warrant a Hurt?.

Bullying, Domestic Violence, Stalking and Street Harassment

Bullying, Domestic Violence, Stalking and Street Harassment – are they really so different?

We constantly pussy-foot around these issues by making excuses, and either compartmentalizing or minimizing toxic behaviors. It should not be this difficult for a society to recognize HARASSMENT, which is how it usually starts. After it escalates or continues over a period of time, it has evolved into ASSAULT.

It’s as simple as that!

Political Activism – Hate is at the Root of Community Violence

Please forgive my absence from this blog lately, and know that I have been extremely busy on the political activism front these days. We are witnessing exciting events, both encouraging and fearful, as the world is realizing that hate is at the root of all kinds of community violence – racially motivated, gender-based, and related to sexual orientation. Really, it is becoming evident that as in ancient times, people continue to form tribes based on similarities, and they exclude those who are different or do not conform to the tribes’ norms. Feeling threatened by the perceived infiltration of different ones, they are quick to ostracize and condemn the eccentric ones. In other words, they justify hateful behaviors against anyone who is different as a means of protecting the core tribe. Digital globalization has shattered our ability to remain in secluded tribes, and we must either adjust to the reality of diversity, or we will find ourselves having the similar fate of ancient tribes…

I do also want to mention a couple of interesting points on the domestic violence front. First, in regards to the Ray Rice dismissal of charges, please see my thoughts on the Tumblr blog:

http://stalkingviolates.tumblr.com/post/119547388058/the-national-domestic-violence-hotline-hotline

Second, NBC is looking for survivors for an upcoming special. The details are on the Facebook page:

Thanks for supporting our cause. It reminds me how each of our individual lives do matter, and how strong a force we are when we join together!

Blessings,

Tammy

Would you recognize stalking behavior?

Stalking behavior has nearly become an “epidemic” in the US. Learned through interpersonal behaviors in the family and with peers, it is perhaps the most efficient way to get whatever it is that one wants. It is becoming common to see the behavior in business and government these days.

I challenge you to correctly identify it whenever you hear someone or some group of people being blamed. I promise that you will see your world much more clearly by doing so. When you are skilled at stalking behavior identification, please speak up and educate others about this nefarious social disorder that endangers the freedoms of all of us.

Thanks,
Tammy

Exit…Stage Right, Upon the Midnight Hour

“Don’t you know that a midnight hour comes when everyone has to take off his mask? Do you think life always lets itself be trifled with? Do you think you can sneak off a little before midnight to escape this?”
― Søren Kierkegaard

If we matter, then our words and actions carry substance too. Our existence within the Age of Virtual Reality, a period marked by digital innovations and rapid communications, keeps us safely tucked away behind our monitor screens. We become whatever we desire to be. Our avatars are not restricted to a face, and they abide in whatever scene best suits them.

Our virtual environment resembles a painter’s canvas, and is limited only by the reach of our imaginations. As social beings, we are compelled to piece our well-rounded lives inside compatible spaces, constructing a network of our own design. We strive to make our virtual life resemble our reality.

Yet, life does not come with a guaranteed number of perfectly shaped puzzle pieces, nor does it offer the smooth, stable surfaces necessary for the erection of a 3-D creation of our imagination. Whatever we do will affect those around us – this is one of nature’s laws. If we destroy our virtual neighbor’s property, we will face consequences for doing so. If we destroy people’s reputations online, we will be called out and confronted by our victims.

Everything we do is online is subject to the scrutiny of our peers. What is acceptable behavior within our neighborhood, may not be appropriate in a neighboring community of peers from diverse backgrounds. We might think it’s alright to exit…stage left, or to say, “goodnight folks; the show’s over!” But does our audience really believe us as they either shout for an encore, or continue throwing tomatoes at the stage?

You are the only person with the power to control your virtual performance, your setting, and your plot. You can contribute to your social network’s growth or it’s demise. That choice is yours alone. Just remember that the fabric of our society, whether online and offline, always has and always will depend specifically upon your choices and actions.